We’re Here, We’re Square, Get Used To It!
From the Christian Right to the language of the Left, exploring a new kind of identity theft
BY Heather Gold
Illustration by Evan Munday
Some days, do you think the left hasn’t influenced anything?
Race, gender, sexual orientation, disability, gender identity…you know the list. Identity politics gave the Left a structure for the (post) modern progressive movement. It also gave us pithy politically conscious conversation like, “Speaking as a differently abled, working-class, lesbian Latina sous chef, I would like to note that paprika is relegated to a mere garnish by the colonialist, imperial Europeans represented by the hard-boiled egg.”
Yes, in mocking response came Rush Limbaugh and the “Contract with America” and a neo-conservative American political movement that took control of the US Congress and White House. The Left has been wringing its hands in despair ever since.
But it turns out that many of the same techniques that created the relativist culture that conservatism despises are what seem to be driving conservatism’s not-so-secret voting weapon: the Christian Right. Does this simple 10-point process for creating a social/political identity sound familiar? The Left is more influential than it thinks it is.
1. Wake up and realize we’re oppressed.
We’re the majority, yet we can’t profess our beliefs in public at any school. Can’t even put the Ten Commandments up on the wall at a courthouse. Can’t preach the Gospel at our government jobs. A fearful society wants us to live dishonest lives hiding in the closet. We need to raise consciousness and show people the nature of their oppression. Even if we have to go door to door to do it.
2. Create like-minded community.
I just don’t feel safe and welcome to be a Christian just anywhere yet. I need to live amongst those who identify as I do. We need to create our own tables at university and separate communities that support our politics. It’s a Christian thing, you wouldn’t understand.
3. Re-read culture.
We have to re-read history and create new forms of scholarship. Let’s re-interpret our texts to find the hidden Xs. We can uncover the parts of our identity that have been lost by an oppressive society. Abraham Lincoln was a Christian! We can co-opt their signifiers! Glossy Bibles! Derrida for Christ!
4. The personal is political.
Your personal life is up for discussion because it is political. This isn’t just a private matter anymore. You must “ID” in public as Christian. Whether you’re teaching school or running a government commission or chatting at the water cooler, you need to represent. It’s not enough to just live a Christian life, Harriet Miers, we need you to make it political and shout it from the soapbox.
5. Where will you be when the revolution comes?!
Who you’re sleeping with is our business. Now that the personal is political, your life is up for our evaluation. We will have to work to tell the difference between the folks who just hang out for the comfy community and belonging and those who are true Christians. We have to hold each other accountable for every detail in our personal lives.
6. Build coalitions.
To accomplish our political goals we have to make inclusive, uplifting coalitions, reaching out to Evangelicals, Catholics and Mormon churches, all 1,200 Protestant denominations and many others. Yes, we didn’t always get along. But now that we’re oppressed and politics are so much more important, things have changed! It’s so much more cohesive to focus on what we have in common: Jesus and homosexuals.
7. Change through culture.
It’s important for young Christians to have role models in public. We will agitate and pray for representation in government and reach out through culture. We will create our own film festivals. We will take pride in Lee Ann Womack and Mel Gibson and all of our famous preachers and politicians.
8. Eat our own.
We will fight against tokenism. We don’t want to just have symbolic Christians. We will work to make sure we get ones who will shout their true identities and identity politics from the rooftops.
9. Join the club.
We can spread our ideas through cool T-shirts and slogans. This kind of stuff really lets people know we mean business and helps them find other Christians like them. A bracelet, button or even bumper sticker can help us feel less alone in the world and make political change.
10. Go to protests and rallies to find dates.
Of course there are sometimes people who just like to hang out for the cool music and fashion of it all. (Remember John Paul’s last tour?) At the end of the identity politics arc: The political is good when it helps me personally.
